The winter gift-giving holidays are approaching. For those of you in new relationships, how do you figure out what to do? Do you surprise each other or ask if you’ll exchange gifts? How do you decide on how much to spend? Do you guess or agree on a price range so one person doesn’t go overboard while the other gives something small? Do you choose something personal, romantic, or neutral?
I’m sure there will be many different responses. I’m curious to see what everyone thinks and does.
Footnote: I really don’t want a gift card for Starbucks.
Kenan said:
My partner and I are planning a special date as our present to ourselves. This takes off the pressure of buying gifts and talking about budgets.
Kenan said:
My partner and I are planning a special date as our present to ourselves. This takes off the pressure of buying gifts and talking about budgets.
This is the best approach. You can spend on a special show, sports event, or even a romantic river boat tour. A day trip to a beautiful place sounds nice too. As the relationship progresses, a weekend getaway could be fun.
A gift doesn’t need to be costly, just thoughtful.
For my first Christmas with my boyfriend, just two months after we started dating, I didn’t ask if we were going to exchange gifts. I didn’t want him to feel pressured. My happiness comes from making others happy, so I look for things they might want or need. My boyfriend doesn’t shop for himself, so I got a few items for his wardrobe. He loved it and now wants me to do the same for every occasion. It’s very easy for me.
It’s good to talk about it briefly. The last guy I dated wanted us to agree not to exchange gifts the first Christmas because he felt it was too much pressure. I thought that was extreme and it hurt my feelings.
I think pressure only comes into play if you don’t talk about it and don’t know what the other person is planning.
In that case, a small gift would have been nice. I have hobbies and I share what I like and don’t like, so I think I’m easy to please.
One early gift was a knitted scarf I made for a guy, which he appreciated. Other early gifts have included special beer and homemade toffee.
I love the idea of sharing an experience together too. Even if we split the cost, spending time somewhere special would create wonderful memories.
I just started dating a new woman a few weeks ago, and things are going well. She mentioned she loves to paint, and I’ve seen some of her artwork at home. I’m thinking of going to a local hobby store to buy her some quality painting supplies. I want it to be a thoughtful gift but not too cheap or pricey. I enjoy the giving part, plus it shows her that I actually listen to her.
At the start, I don’t give gifts. I’ve received small gifts from women that didn’t cost much. I think they simply enjoyed the act of giving gifts.
If the relationship develops and we get along well, I might give her a handmade gift from my workshop, which I’ve done as a side gig for the last 30 years. I think she would appreciate something made just for her.
How do you decide on how much to spend?
I don’t think about it in terms of dollar value. I consider how invested I am in the relationship and what I’m comfortable giving at the time. A gift is based on your decision and should be suitable for them.
In new relationships during the holidays, I suggest choosing a small theme, like socks or chocolates. You could also choose something homemade or a food gift.
I prefer experiences over material things and would rather do something nice together, like dinner, a concert, or a massage, rather than open a gift I might not enjoy, like a Starbucks gift card. If I do want a gift, a book would be perfect.
From November to January, I focus on the meal. Last year, Christmas fell on Shabbat, so I hosted two friends for what they called Christmas, and I called it Shabbat dinner with pizza.
This year, as I prepare to move out, we’re planning to catch the new Avatar movie in 3D at IMAX, followed by Chinese food.
I’m the dork who loves giving gifts, LOL. I make about 95% of my gifts and always try to think about what they would like. If the relationship is new, I don’t expect them to give me anything in return, and I don’t discuss it—if I give, I just want to.
It’s not about how much I spend but what they will actually like. I definitely pay attention.
For those I don’t know that well, cookies or something similar are usually safe bets.
You really better talk this out. And whatever you do, don’t say let’s agree not to exchange gifts. Also, don’t surprise them. Both of those scenarios will end badly for you.
At the very least, decide if you’re doing gifts and agree on when to give them. Make sure you get this in writing, notarized, all that.
@Asher
Also, keep the receipt and put it in the box with the gift so they can return it if they need to. And have the store wrap it because doing it yourself is a hassle and usually looks bad.
Miller said: @Asher
Also, keep the receipt and put it in the box with the gift so they can return it if they need to. And have the store wrap it because doing it yourself is a hassle and usually looks bad.
Wrapping is my favorite part, it’s the shopping I can’t stand.
This is my second Christmas with my boyfriend. Last year we had just been together for about two months, so we gave smaller gifts (he gave me a Firestick and I got him coasters and a pillow for better sleep alignment).
While Christmas is my favorite holiday, I’m all about practical gifts. We haven’t set a limit for this year, but he already got me a new coffee maker and Sterilite shelf units for organization, and I know he’s getting me a router for my TV to replace the one I pay Spectrum $5 a month for (saving me $60 in the new year).
I got him a vacuum, LocknLock container set, a shirt for Bills, and some nice stocking stuffers like a tea collection and eyeglass cleaning set. I might be forgetting something
I also got a shared gift for us: a jumbo puzzle table and two puzzles.
