I wouldn’t say my love language is gifts, but even the smallest things mean a lot to me if there’s a story or memory behind them.
Once, I bought a friend some toy furniture from a dollar store for his birthday because we always joke about how he only has a chair, a couch, and a TV. It cost me $5, and he loved it. He thought it was hilarious. I enjoy doing things like that for people because it feels good when others do thoughtful things for me. I just wish others would show that same desire to do nice things for me sometimes.
I sometimes feel guilty about wanting gifts. When I first told my husband about love languages, I mentioned gift giving. He casually said it seemed a bit superficial. He didn’t mean it rudely, but since then I’ve felt bad for wanting gifts. I think I feel this way because my family often gave me superficial gifts, so I value things with meaning more. My husband does get me gifts during gift occasions, but it feels more like he does it out of obligation. Once, when we were tight on money, he painted a small wooden treasure chest from a craft store. I still keep jewelry in it to this day.
Sometimes I feel unnoticed or unappreciated. This makes me want to do kind things for others even more, so they don’t feel forgotten. I just wish someone would have those feelings for me too.
I hope this makes sense, and thanks for reading. If you feel this way, you’re not alone and it doesn’t make you a bad person.
Edit: To clarify for those discussing love languages, my number one is actually acts of service. This is more about not feeling like people think of me as much as I think of them. These feelings are showing up as wanting gifts since that’s relevant in my life right now. Thanks for all the great comments!
Some people don’t realize that gifts don’t mean you want expensive stuff all the time. It’s the little things that show you appreciate the person, like when your partner comes home with a candy bar or brings you something cute from the store. For some, gifts can seem tied to expense and greed.
@Olin
Exactly! My husband and I have opposite work shifts, so we mostly see each other on weekends. I love waking up to find he bought my favorite chips. It shows he’s thinking of me and brings us closer together, even when we’re apart.
@Olin
It can also mean the opposite; my love language is gifts, but my husband often thinks expensive jewelry or electronics are appropriate. I’d be just as happy with a $40 pair of earrings as a $4,000 pair. Last year, he got me AirPods, but I actually prefer my wired headphones.
What matters to me is when he brings home my favorite chocolate-covered strawberries or items to help with my crafting. We share finances, so if I want something, I can buy it myself. It’s about thoughtfulness, not the price tag. I feel like logical people often see gifts as their love language.
Exactly, very well said. Picking a flower to give me feels just as precious as any expensive gift. The thought behind it really matters.
I do this! Since quarantine, I’ve developed an interest in wildflowers and local plants. I pick flowers on every hike to give them to my partner. When they wilt, it reminds me to go for walks again.
@Olin yes! This represents how I feel. My partner and I rarely buy things for ourselves without getting something for each other too.
For example: If I want iced tea, I’ll also get something I know he likes.
It’s automatic for us to pick up something for the other when we see something they might like. I didn’t realize how amazing that is until this discussion.
MQQ, I think you should talk to your husband about how you feel. Be honest and let him know that his comment about love languages hurt you. Communication is key.
@Olin
I once asked an ex to get me dental floss because of my dental issues. He ended up getting me a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, gum, and a little plush toy. It’s one of my favorite gifts.
@Olin
Exactly. My number one love language is gifts. It’s not about the item itself; it’s the thought behind the gift that counts. It shows that the person is thinking of you.
@Olin
Yes! My husband doesn’t quite understand this. He rarely gets me gifts, but I do thoughtful things for him. One day, he mentioned wanting a Diet Coke, but we didn’t have any. So, the next time I went out, I got him one. Gifts can be simple gestures, not always expensive items.
It’s really true that it’s the thought that matters, not the cost of the gift.
You’re not expecting luxury items like diamond rings. You appreciate the physical tokens of love.
That treasure box he painted for you took time, effort, and meaningful thought. It’s a tangible sign of his love, just like a handwritten card from a child might be worthless to an outsider but precious to you.
Some of my favorite memories are when a partner brought home a simple candy bar. It may seem basic, but it brings me happiness knowing they thought of me.
@Ira
Agreed. If you explain to him how much it means to you, he could understand better. He doesn’t need to spend money; he could make little gifts for you.
@Ira
One of my favorite gifts ever was a mug that an ex of mine painted for me. It had a design from my favorite video game. I still keep it, and she’s still my friend. She put thought into it, which means so much more than any expensive item.
@Ira
I forget how sentimental I can be about gifts. I used to think I didn’t really care, but I have a lot of fondness for gifts that were given with thought. I remember my girlfriend once brought me a drink I loved while at work. It made my day.
For me, it’s not the gift itself. It’s the knowledge that I was on your mind even when we were apart. Loving someone is easier when they’re right there. Knowing that my partner was out and saw something they thought I’d like, and then bringing it home brings me so much love. It doesn’t need to be big or pricey, just small gestures that show they know me.
I’m confused because this aligns with what the love language of gift-giving is. What did he say was superficial? It seems he didn’t listen beyond the word ‘gift.’
