In a world where giving gifts is expected during holidays and birthdays, I find myself more and more reluctant to give my friends and family things. I really don’t like getting things I didn’t ask for or don’t need. It’s not that I’m ungrateful, but over time things can pile up and feel like a burden. Giving gifts feels hypocritical when I think about it. How can I give to others in a world focused on buying things without adding to it?
As a student on a budget, I’ve started making gifts, mostly jams, chutneys, and pickles. Most of my family prefers these over those useless items I used to buy, so it’s a win-win.
Fynn said:
As a student on a budget, I’ve started making gifts, mostly jams, chutneys, and pickles. Most of my family prefers these over those useless items I used to buy, so it’s a win-win.
Exactly! Give things meant to be consumed. Flowers, chocolate, wine, or a nice brandy for special occasions are great choices. You can also treat someone to a nice meal and include a card. If Hallmark cards aren’t your style, you can buy blank cards online and make your own.
It’s hard to stop people from giving you what they want. Unless they are being manipulative, just smile and say thanks, then donate whatever you don’t want.
@Nash
I do this! A nice bottle of whiskey goes over well. My partner and I are in our twenties, and his parents ask us what we need before Christmas. Last year they got us sheets, which we really needed. His mom also fills stockings with essentials like toothbrushes, shower gel, and snacks. It’s awesome because it’s all useful stuff I would buy anyway and lets me try new snacks.
His family has a neat system with an app where they list items they want/need, and they have playful debates about who gets to give what.
My parents on the other hand give me clothes I don’t want, even when I tell them what I’d prefer. They think it wouldn’t be a surprise if they got me what I ask for. Sometimes I ask them to donate to a charity in my name, but they haven’t done that. Still, I always thank them when they hand me the gifts, and it works out.
@Arley
What app do they use?
It’s called Cozi, it’s really just a shared calendar app that allows posting lists. They use it for Christmas gifts.
Pretty said:
@Nash
[deleted]
One year I got my dad a family calendar of his favorite comic strip for Christmas. The next year, it was still in the box on the table where he opened it. That was when I decided to give up trying. And this table gets used daily, so he definitely wasn’t ignoring it. No one really cares about gifts most of the time.
Fynn said:
As a student on a budget, I’ve started making gifts, mostly jams, chutneys, and pickles. Most of my family prefers these over those useless items I used to buy, so it’s a win-win.
One of my friends makes amazing homemade caramel and spicy garlic pickles. I’ll never complain about getting those for Christmas.
Fynn said:
As a student on a budget, I’ve started making gifts, mostly jams, chutneys, and pickles. Most of my family prefers these over those useless items I used to buy, so it’s a win-win.
Exactly. If you have a creative hobby, let it shine! I’m learning how to do lots of random things like growing plants and making hot sauce. Just showing you put in the effort makes people feel valued too!
Your friends and family may value material gifts differently than you do. So, getting them something they want isn’t hypocritical. If you can mesh what they want with your own views, that’s the best. But don’t stress about applying your lifestyle to everyone else. Gifts are about the receiver, not you. Consider giving them experiences instead of things.
@Ari
I agree! If they enjoy physical gifts, just go ahead and give them. If you really can’t stand it, consider experiences or homemade items. You can always mention that you prefer not getting physical gifts but getting their time instead can be enough.
@Ari
Thanks for your thoughts, you make a great point! I mostly think of my dad, who has so much stuff it’s basically its own hoarding issue. He loves gifts, but buying him more seems to add to that problem. I realize this isn’t the case for everyone, and I appreciate the many great ideas here.
@Blaire
I only buy gifts if I think they’ll really appreciate it, or if they’re practical.
For occasions when gifts are expected, I splurge on a nice bottle of wine or liquor from their favorite brands. Anything consumable they’re curious about but wouldn’t buy for themselves.
Usually, I just treat them to a nice lunch or dinner. I think spending quality time together matters more than giving an item.
I try to be a thoughtful gift giver, but I focus on what they need or want so nothing goes to waste.
Pretty said:
I try to be a thoughtful gift giver, but I focus on what they need or want so nothing goes to waste.
I completely agree. So many people I know just grab something randomly while shopping to fulfill their obligation. And cards are another waste; so many are overly priced. Most gifts and cards show the giver didn’t even think of what the recipient truly wants or needs.
@Dacey
My boyfriend and I don’t care for material gifts, but his family loves to give them. His dad enjoys thrifting, so for Christmas, I asked for vintage Pyrex. It’s something I really like but hard to find in my area. He loved the hunt for something unique instead of the typical gifts that I wouldn’t want. I send them pics when I cook with the Pyrex or when I use them for fresh berries from our garden. Pre-COVID, they would send me pictures of cool finds at thrift stores or flea markets, and it always made me feel special.
@North
I really like this! My family says: if you just find something at a used store, put it in a regular bag, and write a note, they will love it! Well, they’re talking about me and it’s so true!
Pretty said:
I try to be a thoughtful gift giver, but I focus on what they need or want so nothing goes to waste.
Nice username, by the way.
Pretty said:
I try to be a thoughtful gift giver, but I focus on what they need or want so nothing goes to waste.
Nice username, by the way.
You too!
Pretty said:
I try to be a thoughtful gift giver, but I focus on what they need or want so nothing goes to waste.
Nice username, by the way.
