Many have multiple love languages; it’s possible that while your primary is acts of service, gifts may still be important.
People believing that gifts are shallow don’t recognize the effort behind a thoughtful gift. It requires knowing the other person’s desires and listening intently. It shows they were thinking about you, whether they saw something and bought it, or planned something special just for you.
Some people associate gifts with luxury and expensive items, but I like to gift, just not excessively. My partner and I typically buy only one gift for one person at Christmas.
We only purchase essentials, but will share from our communal budget for major things. I love surprising my family with gifts based on what I think they’d like. Seeing them use what I gave them brings me joy.
My love language is gifts too. My husband understands this, and we often do thoughtful little things, like picking up treats for each other. It’s lovely.
I feel hurt when someone doesn’t appreciate a gift I’ve given. Gift-giving takes time and thought, and sometimes I handmake items. I’ve faced some issues with my husband’s family regarding their lack of appreciation, which has led me to decide he’s on his own when shopping for their gifts.
I feel like the term ‘gifts’ is a misnomer because it can push people away. It’s more about wanting tokens of affection. The gestures of how gifts can make both parties feel valued are often downplayed.
I feel the same way! I LOVE to buy gifts for my friends or make something special—it’s a huge way I show love. It hurts when I don’t get the same consideration in return. I understand that some people express love differently. My most treasured items are often handmade or given with thought. Gifts feel meaningful.
I haven’t seen all the comments yet, but I believe it’s perfectly okay to want a physical gift that shows you care. When it comes to gift-giving, the knee-jerk reaction is extravagant or expensive gifts. It can be as simple as seeing a candy bar your partner likes and bringing it for them, no special occasion needed.
As a gift-giver, I see the significance of thoughtful gifts. It’s about being in tune with someone and showing them you’ve been paying attention.
I share your thoughts! Different people express love in various ways, and it doesn’t matter if my love language differs from someone else’s. Wanting to feel appreciated and cared for isn’t bad.
My boyfriend surprised me with an apple at my desk while we were both working opposite shifts, and it made my week.
I think it’s not about wanting items; it’s a sign someone cared enough to think of me and get something special. My ex once bought jewelry even after I’d said I didn’t want it. If I said I loved certain books casually, he would still give me generic gifts, which never felt personal. It felt hurtful, especially after I’d put real thought into his gifts. One Christmas, I received a gift in a plastic bag, which wasn’t meaningful at all.
It’s natural to want to feel appreciated. I love receiving gifts, no matter how small. Giving and receiving tokens of love is common. After a while in a relationship, it’s okay if unexpected gifts fade, but I think you should speak up about it.
I remember a friend who expressed their love through gifts, like when they got me a giraffe pencil. I still cherish it. Another friend gifted me a sticker from Japan. Gifts don’t need to be expensive to be heartfelt.
It’s a valid love language.
It’s not superficial! When I first read about the love languages, I realized that acts of service resonate with me. My husband made a joke about me wanting him just as a helper. Wanting things back in return isn’t greedy if there’s mutual affection.
I find it touching when my dad picks up small souvenirs or snacks when he’s out. He shows love in his own way. My boyfriend does similarly—he surprises me with little things he thinks I’d like.
Yet, some friends ask for expensive gifts. It’s disheartening to see how people equate love with monetary value. Like the obsession around engagement rings, for example.
Avery said:
[deleted]
Your comment was flagged for using a derogatory term. It’s best to stay respectful in discussions. Please review and revise before reposting.
It’s understandable to feel underappreciated if your husband dismisses your love language and doesn’t engage in the ways that matter to you.
Avery said:
[deleted]
Perhaps if you tell him that acts of service count too, he might help. When he does chores, he’s helping you avoid extra work.
True, but that fits under ‘acts of service’ as a love language.
Avery said:
@Noel
[deleted]
I think they connect. For OP, the treasure box reflects her desire for physical tokens, which mean more than transient moments. It’s sweet how you speak of the box.
@Noel
Thank you! Happy Cake Day!
Avery said:
@Noel
[deleted]
A gift is a thing given; chores are a mutual everyday responsibility.