Avery said:
@Azriel
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For specific advice, start by introducing love languages. Ask if they’ve heard of it. Be open, share what you need, explain why it’s important, and ask if there’s anything you can do for their needs too. This shows you’re focusing on teamwork to strengthen your relationship.
Reid said:
I’m in the same situation. Does anyone have advice on how to ask for gifts like this?
If this isn’t a persistent issue for you, maybe try casually mentioning it. Like say, “I just saw a cute video about a kid picking a flower for their sibling, and I thought it was adorable. I would be so happy if you surprised me with small things sometimes. It’s not about fancy gifts, but the thought counts. I’d love that, and it would bring me joy on an ordinary day.”
Keep it simple and sweet. A loving partner will listen.
I think there may be a miscommunication between you and your partner. Maybe they didn’t grow up with the same appreciation for gifts as you do. My partner didn’t get many presents, even on Christmas, so he didn’t understand when I explained that it felt like he didn’t appreciate me as I do for him (like grabbing his favorite snack at the store). I framed it as whether he enjoys my small gestures of kindness since it would be great to feel that in return.
I often struggle with love languages in my relationship. My love language is words of affirmation. I need to hear why I’m appreciated and what my partner loves about me to feel valued.
I understand that he shows his love by thoughtful gifts, like paying for dinner or outings. I express love through acts of service, like cleaning up after a stressful day. I’ve learned to recognize the ways we each show love, which has helped ease some worries.
Someone close to me clearly speaks the love language of gifts. She’s been told that it’s meaningless when in fact it isn’t. After learning that it’s considered a real love language, I began to respect her feelings on it more. You should help your husband see that there’s value in this love language since it’s supported by literature. We need to comprehend that it’s important to others, even if it differs from our views.
I recommend reading the love languages book to understand both how to love others and recognize how you’re loved by others.
It might be tied to how he was raised. My family treated gifts as something selfish to want. A gift from them is just money in a card, while any meaningful thought behind it was neglected. They didn’t think about what someone might want; it was all about casual transactions.
It seems clear what your partner’s love language isn’t.
The concept of the 5 Love Languages emphasizes communicating in your partner’s love language rather than your own.
Gifts are a legitimate love language, and to dismiss it shows a lack of understanding. Thoughtful gift-giving can be rare, and even if a good gift goes unused, it’s the affection you’re showing through it. Cooking dinner together has just as much value, but somewhere along the way, the focus on gifts can make that harder to appreciate.
Wanting gifts is not just about materials. It’s the physical sign that someone cares for you. Gifts can be small, like a pair of socks a friend gave me during exam days to show support. They remind me of love and friendship, especially when they can’t be around. I cherish the small items and let the givers know how much they mean to me.
Nothing makes my day like someone unexpectedly buying me a candy bar. It puts a smile on my face.
I love that too. You don’t need to spend a lot; it’s the thought that counts. Simple items like silly dollar store toys can hold special meanings between you and the giver.
For special occasions, I take my time to choose the right gift for my friends. I think it’s important to tailor gifts instead of doing generic shopping.
Wanting gifts is normal. We grow up receiving gifts for major events, and it’s fun to receive them unexpectedly. Little things, even my boyfriend covering dinner, make me feel appreciated. In short, you deserve gifts, but don’t expect them all the time.
I totally understand this. I enjoy receiving thoughtful gifts, whether a small plant or a treat I’ve been craving. It feels great when my husband surprises me with little gifts.
It’s challenging that your husband sees it differently. It could be worth exploring his mindset. Why does he see gift-giving as superficial? Is there something from his past affecting how he feels? Could you reach a compromise where he surprises you once a month with something thoughtful, while you also consider his love language? Balancing it out can help you both feel valued.
My love language is gifts too. Like many say, it’s not about always wanting high-priced items but the excitement of someone thinking of me when they grab my favorite blanket or some cute socks.
Knowing my partner pays attention and picks items based on my likes means a lot. We balance remarkably well because we can separate practicality from token gestures of affection.
If someone has good emotional intelligence, they should understand these desires.
Gifts are a big part of my love language as well. It’s not about the cost but what the gift reflects. When someone gives you something with thought behind it, like my boyfriend drawing me into a Spiderman illustration, that’s about so much more than money. It shows you were on their mind.
It makes me feel cherished when I get things that remind me of special moments.
Avery said:
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Spython, your comment captures my feelings perfectly:
I hate having to mind-read and get the perfect gift.
My fiancé loves gifts.
It feels like I’m always being tested; if I can’t guess exactly what he wants, it means I don’t love him. After many years, he appreciates that gift selection is harder for me than for him, so at least he understands I’m trying. But I still feel as if I never get it completely right unless he gives me a hint.
For ‘little’ gifts without an occasion, our house is filled with stuff anyhow. Sweet surprises don’t always feel like my style—wouldn’t it be faster just to hand him a heart attack?
Not to put others down, but there are gift-givers who seem to enjoy emphasizing how well they know you, which can seem like a power play.
I’m very much a minimalist. I don’t want excess stuff. A candy bar is a treat, but I struggle with healthy choices in general.
I’m totally into touch and some acts of service.
Moral: Whatever makes you feel appreciated, communicate that; your partner shouldn’t have to guess. Anything they desire from you should be willingly reciprocated.
And that old saying about “all you need is love”? It’s a bunch.
Not at all! Gift-giving is a recognized love language.
I completely relate! I long for gifts not for their value, but for the thought and meaning behind them. It isn’t about the cost or brand; when something is thoughtful, I appreciate it so much.
I understand how you feel. If you keep giving, it will come back to you. Here, have some gold.
Fifer said:
I understand how you feel. If you keep giving, it will come back to you. Here, have some gold.
I had to add silver too because I never did this before. You deserve it, and I care about you.
Your conversation with your husband triggers a memory of the first time I learned about love languages.
In high school, my sociology teacher brought in the book, and we did the quiz. She made an offhand remark about how she thought gift-giving seemed selfish.
None of us had a gift language as our primary language, and she realized her comment influenced our answers. She was shocked that her authority may have impacted how we answered about love languages.